7 June 2014
I had lately been feeling a lot more anxious and concerned about my work and career. At first it was simply me telling myself to do better and aim higher. Then it became, what are my goals and hopes for work. Eventually it started growing into a nervousness about whether i was in the right job, if i should leave or stay. My work started becoming more important than what God was trying to tell me. As much as God would try to pacify me and let me know He’s got it figured out for me, i would still worry needlessly and obsess over figuring out what my next career step should be.
But tonight, i heard a sermon and saw a pastor on stage who was filled with fire and passion for God. He had served as a pastor for almost 40 years and had not lost his fire for God. That made me ask myself – where did my fire go? The pastor had kept that passion for Christ because he surrendered himself completely to God to work in him. He wasn’t going after money, status or power – he was running after God’s delight, he was intoxicated with see God’s pleasure when he followed obediently as God directed – regardless of how difficult or odd it was at the time. He was driven not by duty or obligation, but by knowing God was delighted and said “You are my son, with whom, i am well pleased.”
It’s not the first time someone had preached the laying down of one’s life for God. But tonight i was convicted by the Holy Spirit that my career and my desire to please my family and myself, had overshadowed my desire to please God and to surrender my life to Him. No longer was i satisfied with knowing God was pleased. I needed to please my own flesh and man as well. But tonight, i am reminded and i am convicted again, that the most beautiful and inspiring words i ever need to embrace – are the words “You are my son, with whom, I am well pleased.”
Abba Father – i know i’ve crept away from the altar and the further i’ve walked away, the more the altar looked more like a place of sacrifice, than a spotlight of your love and grace in my life. Open my eyes Holy Spirit to see and return to the altar of love and grace where i can lay down my life as well as all my burdens – only for You to take it up and for me to live my new life in Christ.